Newt Gingrich
The Jerusalem Daily News has been granted exclusive interviews with each of the major Republican candidates in the upcoming U.S. election.
We are providing the full video of each of the interviews to those who are subscribers to our Ultra Premium Friends of Jerusalem Subscription Club. Excerpts of the interviews will be posted here as well to highlight the candidates positions on important issues.
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The first interview in the series covers Newt Gingrich. Please subscribe to watch the whole video.
Here are some excerpts.
JDN: Mr Gingrich, you have been successful and, like our Prime Minister, have already gone through three wives. Do you feel your marital successes will lead to greater understanding and empathy with our leadership?
Gingrich: What? I mean, the interview is supposed to... Are we off the record? I'm not sure what kind of... Uh I am a great friend of Israel. Do you...
JDN: Of course we are off the record right now. It's personal curiousity. I [interviewer Yuri Fogelberg] had a close friend from Hummelstown Pennsylvania where you grew up. Yes we are off the record, sure.
[A note from our lawyers: Off the record means different things to different people.]
Gingrich: Well, I guess. You know. Every great man has a lot of successes in his life and part of that is nailing as many women as possible. Sometimes along the way you have to marry one or two of them.
JDN: Or three?
Gingrich: Sure yeah. Or three of them if necessary. I guess the Prime Minister and my self both have the wisdom that only comes from successes in every field.
JDN: Well of course you also have the extra credibility that only comes from having banged your history teacher in high school.
Gingrich: Well but I ended up having to marry her so it was not an unqualified success. I mean we are off the record here. Is that correct?
JDN: Absolutely. Why so jumpy? Would you like something to drink?
Gingrich: No I'm fine. I came here straight from a fundraiser cocktail party and drank a bit too much there so no I better not drink any more. Jumpy? No. I just, ah, journalists sometime try to corner a person. I guess Jew journalist probably have better ethics than our own.
JDN: Jew journalists?
Gingrich: Well I mean journalists of the Jewish persuasion. I've always been a big supporter of Jew people. I even have some Jew lawyers. Really top notch they are. They probably steal, just like regular lawyers, but who are you going to complain to?
JDN: Good point. If you don't mind, I'd like to ask you a question that's on the minds of a lot of Israelis. I'm sure you know what I'm going to ask.
Gingrich: Sure. You want to know if, as president, I would be willing to officially forgive the Jews for killing our lord Jesus.
JDN: Huh? What I...
Gingrich: It's okay. A sensitive topic. Sure I would. Off the record, of course, if you can get one of your rich Jew moguls to donate $5 million to one of my Super PACs, as soon as I'm elected I'll form a committee to find out who was really behind Jesus' death. The Jews have gotten a bum rap for too long. In return I think it would be beneficial to both countries if the state of Israel would officially accept Jesus and convince its citizens to join the civilized world, the community of Christian nations. The United States has brought the loving mercy of Jesus to the far corners of the world and maybe it's time for Israel to come around. Have you personally accepted the salvation of the lord in your life?
JDN: The lord? You mean lord Krishna?
Gingrich: Why do I always get interviewed by idiot twats? Who is Krishna and what does he have to do with anything? I'm trying to help you gain eternal salvation. To avoid the lake brimming with an eternal fire. Do you have any idea what it will be like burning in a lake of fire for eternity? Do you want that?
JDN: Lake of fire? No I don't want that. Have you ever had the brakes fail on your car when you were driving 70 miles an hour down hill?
Gingrich: What? Are you threatening me?
JDN: Look. I know people. Let's make it a truce. No eternal lake of burning fire for me and no faulty brakes for you.
Gingrich: Oh please. Don't you see? It's your eternal soul. You cannot be saved unless you accept the lord Jesus as your eternal master.
JDN: Well okay then. I accept it. Now I'm free from having to worry about my soul?
Gingrich: You are almost there. The lord will judge you by your works and by which political party you support. Have you ever made a very large donation to a political candidate?
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